Love and relationships offer a special kind of Qi. For most of us, there’s nothing that moves us more than the experience of deep and meaningful romantic connection. Just as food fuels the body, love and passion elevates the energy of our hearts in a unique and powerful way.
While relationships can provide us with boundless joy and vitality, they also can challenge us in ways that nothing else possibly can. Romantic love is a potent energy that can be both deeply enriching as well as overwhelming. It can take us to the mountain tops of bliss or the depths of despair and depression. It’s one of the most potent energies that exist within us and informs every other part of who we are. Therefore, it’s important to be skillful in how we work with this cogent form of Qi in our romantic relationships.
Today, we’re going to discuss five important Qi Gong principles for growing and maintaining a healthy, joyful, and mutually supportive relationship.
Clear and authentic communication: Generally, we all know when something is off in our communication. Even when words are left unspoken, the energy of thoughts and feelings can still create voids in our connections with others. When we’re unable to deeply share what’s true for ourselves and hear from our partner, each person’s world suddenly ceases to overlap with the other’s. We no longer really identify with the thoughts, feelings, and experiences that our loved one is going through.
Therefore, it’s extremely important to keep the lines of communication open. Not only does this help grow our connection and understanding of one another, but it also creates a safe space to address concerns within the relationship. It’s natural for disharmonies to occur, but how we respond to such incidents has a huge impact on the quality of our relationship. If we avoid negative feelings we risk acting on them in harmful ways. However, if we address difficult thoughts or feelings directly with our partner in a loving way, we can seek to maintain intimacy while working through the issue together. Sometimes this can be difficult when we feel hurt. If it feels challenging to communicate, it’s fine to take some space and then return to the conversation with a clear, composed mind. Sometimes, taking space is the best possible choice in our relationships. In the long run, open, kind, and authentic communication is key to a happy and healthy relationship.
Cultivate a practice to do with your partner: Meditating, exercising, or doing Qi Gong together is a great way to build connection and togetherness. When you can support one another’s well being through a mutual practice, each person is elevated both as an individual and as a partner.
It’s okay if each of you prefers different practices for your own personal self-care routine (we’ll get to this below). For your practice together, just try to find something that each of you can enjoy. If you both love Qi Gong, that’s great! However, if one person is a regular Qi Gong practitioner and the other prefers meditation, perhaps find something that’s in between, like a Qi Gong meditation. Lee has many great programs that can work great as a couple’s routine. If you can create a calm and present space together, that energy will transfer into your relationship to provide peace and aliveness to share with one another.
Cultivate a personal practice: Just as it’s important to practice with your partner, it’s also important to have your own personal routine that is just yours. In relationships, it can be easy to lose your sense of individuality and self. Even a positive and loving relationship can move you away from your own personal center if you allow it to overwhelm you. When we betray our own true way of being, not only do we suffer, but we’re also unable to show up as our best self in our relationship. No two people are identical, and we must all pay close attention to our own individual compass. By staying attuned to your own truth, you can cultivate all of the unique and positive qualities that only you embody, as well as share those qualities with your partner. In other words, by staying true to your own individuality, both you and your partner can benefit. A healthy relationship is one in which both people are complete all by themselves, and elevate the other to be an even brighter expression of their own truth. Having your own, consistent spiritual practice goes a long way to creating a balanced relationship that both people enjoy.
Let go of the past: The human mind has an annoying tendency to project past traumas onto present experiences. If this happens to you, seek to find acceptance and compassion for your pain, while also working to let it go. Our trauma can serve as an important reminder to not repeat negative experiences, but it can also be overprotective and prevent us from fully enjoying the beauty that lies before us.
If your pain or trauma is from a previous relationship, it’s important to find ways to discern your present partner from your past partners. While this is generally a personal process, it can be helpful to share your experiences with your current partner in a safe space so they can be understanding and compassionate for your past hurts. Also, connected to the point above, transparent communication and sharing can also help contribute to a deeper and more sustained relationship.
If your pain or trauma is from your current relationship, it can sometimes be more difficult but is certainly very possible to move past your experiences. The first thing to do is to have a full, mutual understanding of what caused pain, as well as how to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. After reconciliation, it’s important to seek forgiveness and ways to let go of negative feelings. Sometimes, it can be helpful to understand why your partner did what they did. Even if you don’t agree with their decisions, really knowing their experience can go a long way to bridging the void that hurt creates. Of course, it’s also essential that your partner fully recognizes and takes ownership for their actions. However, when that happens, we have a choice about whether we want to move past the pain they caused or stay stuck in resentment. We’re all human and make mistakes, so being able to forgive and move on is an essential skill for any relationship.
It’s important to note here that forgiving and moving on doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect or injustice. It’s never wise to stay in an abusive relationship or try to work things out with someone who isn’t ready to face themselves. Remember, you can’t change other people, only they can do that. If you find yourself in a defeating situation, it can sometimes be best to part ways. However, if both individual’s paths are aligned and each person is willing to be real, it can be very valuable to let go and move on from unpleasant experiences.
Set intentions together: Lastly, just as establishing a couple’s spiritual practice can grow and nurture your relationship, setting intentions together can help create alignment and synergy within your relationship. It can also be motivating and exciting to have shared visions for things to come.
Creating intentions together doesn’t mean that all of your aspirations need to align. Having your own personal intentions is healthy also, just as it is to have your own personal Qi Gong practice. Even just having conversations about each of your ambitions can shed light on where you can find synergy and what part of yourself may remain relatively separate. Remember, a healthy relationship is one in which two independent people come together with their own unique way of being. One of your jobs is to find what you can share and create as a couple, and where you need space or support. By having thoughtful and loving conversations about what each of you wants, you can find clarity and purpose within your relationship, as well as within your own life as an individual.
Elevate Through Qi Gong
In Qi Gong, we learn that our thoughts, emotions, and physicality are intimately connected. Therefore, when we work with one of these we’re really working with all three.
In Taoism and Qi Gong, we recognize that sexuality is an important part of ourselves and our romantic relationships. Sexual energy is part of our Jing Qi—our essential life force energy that primarily resides in our Lower Tan Tien. By learning how to cultivate and circulate our sexual energy we can elevate both our health and our relationships.
In Lee’s pre-recorded online workshop, Taoist Sexual Secrets, he teaches students how to work with our Jing energy and channel it into our heart centers and spiritual consciousness. Not only does this allow greater connection to yourself, but it also helps you to connect more deeply with your partner. By doing so, all parts of your relationship benefits.
Taoist Sexual Secrets is an online workshop that you can share with your partner as well as use in your own personal practice. Valentine’s Day reminds us to pay special attention to the love and connection we experience in our lives, so click on the banner below to learn more about this special online workshop.
By Ian Drogin